‘Daddy, Are We Rich?’ Yes, Son.
A murky definition of ‘rich’ cheats our children out of important money lessons
The Give and Get wrote a challenging article this week where she confesses to being rich. Based on the reaction of the personal finance community on social media, it’s obvious that there’s no universal definition of rich, even in circles where people talk about money all the time.
The blog post and discussion remind me of a question my son asked a few months ago: “Daddy, are we rich?” As a kindergartener, he’s just starting to understand the relative value of money, both in terms of what things cost and the fact that some people have more than others. This kind of out-of-the-blue question from a child forces you to think about what you really believe – and what you want to teach.
The first time he asked the question, my wife and I sheepishly deflected it and mumbled something about being middle class. But I felt guilty about that answer, like we were lying to our son. At that moment, I realized that we are rich. And we need to own that.
I was ready with an answer the next time he asked:
Yes, son. We are rich.
The frank response opened a conversation about how we earn money, why we have money and what we do with our money. We also touched on the fact that riches come with responsibility, including recognizing and meeting the needs around us. I hope it was the first of many healthy and open discussions with my two children about money.
So, I’m joining The Give and Get in her public confession:
I am rich.
In some ways, trying to come up with a definition of rich feels like a fruitless exercise. No one agrees, and nothing changes because of the debate. But when I think about the money lessons I want to teach my kids, I realize that my decision to own or deny the “rich” label has huge implications for how they will view and use money for the rest of their lives.
When I think about the money lessons I want to teach my kids, I realize that my decision to own or deny the “rich” label has huge implications for how they will view and use money for the rest of their lives.Click To TweetWhat’s the Definition of ‘Rich’?
When I came up with the idea for The Rich Fool blog, I chose the name to confess that I’m rich, and remind myself that riches can turn you into a fool. It’s also an admonishment of the Western way of thinking about money – namely, materialism and wealth hoarding. The purpose of this blog, based on the biblical parable of the rich fool, revolves around the admission that I am indeed rich, and how I spend (or don’t spend) money speaks volumes about my values.
My definition of rich starts with an objective view of money. As an American living in the richest country in the world in the greatest era of wealth creation ever, I’m living large. Throughout most of history until recently, only the elite enjoyed the same standard of living that I enjoy today.
Based on my household income and size, I’m in the richest 0.3 percent of the world’s population today, making 56 times the global average. Pretty much every American today is a 1 percenter compared to the rest of the world. Even within that group of the lucky few born at this place during this time, I’m still relatively rich. According to this U.S. income percentile calculator, my family’s wages put us in the top 4 percent of households in America today.
Let’s review. My household income puts me in one of the top brackets in the richest country in the world during the richest period in history, which makes me one of the richest people who have ever walked the face of the earth. Whatever numbers you use, my wealth exceeds that of most people who have ever lived.
How can I possibly deny that I’m rich?
I'm in a top income bracket in the richest country in the world during the richest period in history, which makes me one of the richest people who have ever walked the face of the earth. How can I possibly deny that I’m rich?Click To TweetAn Important Financial Life Lesson
My definition of rich doesn’t revolve around a dollar amount. I could argue that I’m not rich because my net worth hasn’t reached $1 million yet. Or because I haven’t achieved financial independence using the 4 percent rule. Or because I drive a used Toyota Camry that I bought from my grandma.
But those would just be baseless denials. I’m rich because I’ve been blessed with an abundance of money that ensures my needs will always be met, I can afford the luxuries of life without worrying about the cost, and a secure financial future is all but guaranteed. I have endless lifestyle choices and opportunities.
Yes, son. We are rich.
It’s not a lesson most parents would teach their children, but it’s an important confession that will impart financial wisdom that lasts a lifetime.
I’m rich because I’ve been blessed with an abundance of money that ensures my needs will always be met, I can afford the luxuries of life without worrying about the cost, and a secure financial future is all but guaranteed.Click To TweetSeven Money Lessons About Being Rich
Despite the risks of that admission, I hope the knowledge that they’re rich will cause my children to learn the following lessons about money:
Money can buy freedom or trap you
While it’s true that money offers you choices – including where to live, whether to work and how you spend your time – it can also become your master. If you believe more is always better, you’ll never be satisfied, and money will rule over you. Choose financial freedom, but don’t let money take your freedom.
Money doesn’t have to be a taboo topic
Don’t be ashamed of wealth, unless you’re living like a rich fool. Open discussions about money can be healthy and productive, and we can learn from each other’s experiences. You can admit to being rich without flaunting it or making other people feel uncomfortable.
Money doesn’t define you, but how you use it does
Life doesn’t consist of an abundance of possessions, and spending doesn’t have to increase with income. Money is a resource you should invest in the most important things in life. Don’t waste the excess on frivolous or trivial things that don’t bring you joy or make the world a better place. Practice frugality, but don’t let it get in the way of fulfillment.
Money doesn’t equal contentment
You will enjoy seasons of abundance and endure seasons of need, and you must learn how to experience contentment and joy during all of them. And you will learn different lessons during each season. Money comes and goes, so don’t let it grab your heart and shape your priorities.
Money is a resource, not a possession
It’s tempting to stockpile money for no specific purpose, but that approach stems from fear about the future. Think about what you want to accomplish with your money, and then allocate those resources accordingly. You have been entrusted with your wealth for one lifetime, so make it count and leave a legacy.
Money is a blessing, and not everyone has it
There are billions of people in the world, nearly half the world’s population, who live on less than $2.50 a day. Be grateful every day for the provision in your life and the opportunity that your family’s wealth provides.
Money comes with responsibility
Because you’ve been blessed with an abundance, you should structure your personal finances to leave room for generosity. As your wealth increases, you should increase giving at an accelerated rate. Always strive to climb the ladder of radical generosity. At some point, consider financial finish lines and give away all your excess wealth.
An Excuse for Hoarding Wealth?
Income statistics make me wonder why so many Americans quickly dismiss the idea that they’re rich. There’s certainly a negative stigma that comes with wealth, but I think it’s more than that. I suspect most people don’t want to confess that they’re rich because they want an excuse to save more and more money. When we fail to admit that we’re rich, we’re free to save with no ceiling until we become rich. But we never actually get there, so it just turns into hoarding.
Most people don’t confess they’re rich because they want an excuse to save more #money. When we fail to admit that we’re rich, we’re free to save with no ceiling until we become rich. But we never get there, so it turns into hoarding.Click To TweetIn the Twitter discussion on The Give and Get article, personal finance bloggers threw out numbers between $2 million and $10 million for their definition of rich. That’s a wide range, which tells me that “rich” is something we want to keep just out of reach. That way, we can always aspire to just a little more.
On the other hand, if we confess we’re rich, we admit that we already have enough. It forces us to wrestle with the question of what to do with the excess.
That’s exactly why I made this confession to my 6-year-old boy.
Yes, son. We are rich.
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Being rich or poor is relative. If there are people richer than you, then you’re poor. If there’s people poorer than you, than you’re rich. It really puts things in perspective when I realize how many people in the word are poorer than me, and how few people are richer than me, at least compared to the other side of the spectrum.
I agree the definition is relative. But it should be relative to where you fall on the entire spectrum, not the family down the street. You can’t draw a confusion from a single data point. But when I look at where I fit into the overall picture, I can’t deny it.
While I agree with most of what you wrote, you don’t ever say if you told your son that you are rich. You only say you have an answer if he asks again. As you mention, being “rich” carries a lot of baggage. I’m unsure if young people can handle the nuances as well as resentment that comes with being rich. Can you imagine your son asking you next year if you are rich and you give him the children’s version of this post. Then he goes to school and the concept of “being rich” comes up on the playground. Your son says something like “My daddy told me we were rich but it comes with a responsibility of being generous.” When I was in first grade, that statement would have gotten me beat up. Times have changed but unless your son goes to ultra-expensive private school, I doubt the feelings of resentment would be much different from his classmates.
This post reads more like “How I Came to Acknowledge That I Am Rich” instead of “‘Daddy, Are We Rich?’ Yes, Son.”
I contrast your words with my parents’ actions. My parents never acknowledged they were rich…right up until their deaths. My parents survived the Great Depression and WWII so they were very much Wealth Hoarders. I didn’t have a sense that we were well off until I was a teenager and even then I underestimated their likely wealth due to our living below our means. It was until after my mother’s death and my father’s declining mental status that I became intimately familiar with his finances and I was surprised by how much money they had.
Hi Dan, thanks for your comment. To clarify, I did in fact tell my son that we’re rich the second time he asked. This post is a simplified version of that conversation, which was actually more like, “Yes, son. Now let me tell you what that means …” I do realize that a kindergarten student doesn’t fully understand the nuances, and that comes with a certain element of risk. But I decided to take that chance and open up a conversation about money, rather than avoid the topic or tell him something that I don’t believe to be true. I’m hoping that a little seed was planted that I can water over time. I appreciate your perspective and don’t disagree that it could lead to an awkward playground conversation. Now you’ve got me thinking about how I might want to coach him on that. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Fantastic article. I’m going to forward this to my children (they’re teenagers–I don’t forward many, because I know they won’t usually read them). This was inspiring.
That’s so cool that you’re going to share this with your kids. I’m excited that I could inspire you to action! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
It’s a hard question to answer. Like Joe said above, I don’t often feel rich relative to peers and that often defines how we talk about our status. On the other hand, like you point out, all Americans today are extremely rich in world and historical context.
I’d like to think the lesson for my kids to take away when they’re ready is that both are true and it’s important to see things from different perspectives as equally true.
I don’t really “feel” rich, either. My wife actually had the same reaction to this article, but then she had to admit we’re rich when she looked at our financial situation objectively. I think it’s a tough mental leap to make because it makes us feel out of touch. But I think we can be rich and live richly without acting rich, meaning we don’t put ourselves in another class.
Thank you for sharing this! Love the reflection and the ntentionality. This is my first time reading your material, but I’ll definitely be back!
My six year old recently asked me, “Daddy, will you teach me to be rich?” And it’s inspired some radical growth and ideas in my own life. We’ve begun having those conversations and laying out plans for their education with money, responsibility, generosity, etc. I hope my blog inspires others the way yours clearly does. Kudos!
It’s amazing the questions kids ask at such a young age about such complex topics. It definitely challenges you to think about what you really believe and what you want to teach. Your kid’s question might be an even tougher one! Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found me!
I really enjoyed this post, and I think your answer to your son, was a brave, thoughtful, and correct one. As you mention, we live in one of the wealthiest countries, in a time of historical abundance, and even among that subset of really rich people, many of the readers of this blog are probably in the top quintile of income and/or savings. They have shown in studies that virtually everyone likes to consider themselves middle class… whether they are earning 30k per year or a million a year. It’s easy to do, because no matter how rich you are, you can always point to someone who is 1000 times wealthier. This can be a really bad mindset, though, because if you never recognize your abundance, then you neither enjoy it, nor realize that most of the world doesn’t share it. I think there is great truth in your seven lessons, and can think of tons of people who chased money till the last of their health gave out even when they had more than they wanted to spend, and no time to spend it. I think that the world would be a better place if more people were willing to admit to themselves that they are rich, and to think about the responsibility that entails.
Kevin, thanks for your thoughtful comment. I agree that one of the problems is that most of us make “rich” a moving target, and there will always be someone richer than us. When we’re always striving for just a little bit more, we never get to the place where we live from a place of abundance and share our blessings with others. I don’t want to be one of those people who chases money until the very end and never gets to enjoy it or share it. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Great write up. Our daughter is a bit young for that (2 months) but I’m sure it’ll come 🙂
Yep, probably still a bit too young. But you’ll be surprised at how soon they start asking the tough questions!
Our son asked that same question recently too. I told him we’re not rich. We’re comfortable, but not rich. That’s how I feel. Compare to the rest of the world, we’re rich. However, compare to his classmates, we’re probably poor. It’s all about perspective. That’s why we travel internationally. Kids need to learn about the world and learn that they are really privileged. I like your answer too.
I think this is a question that a lot of kids ask when they first start understanding the concept of money and relative wealth. I could certainly point to the richer families in the neighborhood who drive Teslas and spend weekends at their lake houses, and tell my kids we’re not rich. But there will always be someone who has more. I’m trying to encourage a “rich” mindset, but for the purpose of generosity rather than consumption. I had to explain to my son that being “rich” doesn’t mean he gets to buy all the toys he wants. Money comes with responsibility, and part of that is wise spending, and part of that is generous giving. I hope they learn that we have more than we need, so they should be generous with the excess. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I have read that $2.50 statistic many times before, and it ALWAYS puts our (Americans) money/wealth in perspective. The majority of us who think we’re poor, actually would be considered upper class in the majority of countries around the world. There are a lot of things we take for granted as American citizens.
We as Americans literally have multiple food options near our home, whether it be take-out or the grocery store. We have numerous entertainment venues. We have established school systems throughout the country. So many things we grow up with make it very difficult to put into perspective just how rich we really are.
Terrific post!
Thanks, Sean. I think that perspective is important, especially when talking to kids about money. We may not be “rich” in terms of being able to buy anything we want, but we are rich in terms of having all our needs met and still having much left over to enjoy the luxuries and conveniences of modern life. Your examples are all outputs of a wealth society that we often take for granted. I appreciate the thoughtful comment!
Thanks for the good share. Once when my youngest was in high school I took the opportunity when preparing my taxes to share with him more specifics about our income.
He had worked at a summer camp the year before. When he figured it out that I made about as much in a day as he did all summer he couldn’t believe it. He said ”i worked hard all summer.’
We too have pushed ourselves to give generously.
More recently I am attempting to be more generous (maybe fair is the right word) in the day to day transactions I have. I think we sometimes are trying to win in all we do.
So can I pay the guy who cuts my grass well? Tip generously? Not just consider the lowest bid for a job, but consider the local connection’s of the business? Why not pay someone $20 an hour, even if it is a job I could get someone to do for $10 an hour.
Anyway thanks again
Wow, that had to be a shock for your son. I plan to share more about our finances as my kids get older and eventually share our income. That story will make me think about how I want to frame the discussion and provide the proper context and perspective. Thanks for sharing that.
I’ve also been thinking about how to be more generous outside of charitable giving. I want generous giving to cross over into generous living, and be open-handed with what I have with the people in my life. I’m considering some personal “giving challenges” like tipping 100% of the bill for a month. If I do, I’ll be sure to write about it! Thanks for reading and commenting.
I really enjoyed reading this. As a brother in Christ, it’s very important to maintain perspective, and the word of Luke 12:48 are both encouraging and convicting at times. Keep it up!
Very applicable verse! When much is given to us, we have to ask ourselves what God is asking or demanding of us. As a Christian, I believe He has blessed me with more for the purpose of increased generosity. We have to wrestle with the question! Thanks for reading and commenting.
This is an excellent post.
Lisa’s post was solid in raising a lot of questions in people about defining rich.
I like your perspective on it, and based on what you’ve said, I’m rich.
Feels good letting it out and thanks for putting your own spin on it.
Thanks for your honesty. It’s not something we need to brag about, but it’s not something we need to deny, either. It feels good to have frank discussions about this topic.
We were a little more vague about how much money we had until the kids were about college age. I worked in a small town and was the boss at the largest employer in the county. I considered what I was paid to be company confidential information and they did not need to know. We let them know we had surplus, that we’d pay their college expenses and showed them that we had zero debt and told them when we paid the house off early.
They were shocked when we leveled with them about our net worth and my compensation. I think they assumed we had about one tenth of what we did because I drove used cars and we lived in a modest house and were frugal. They could not believe we were rich because we had downplayed our actual wealth. I was proud when my daughter told me that she and her siblings were raised “poorer” than all her friends.
Now that they are on their own they all have great money sense and avoid debt and shop for bargains. As a slightly early retired blogger (not monetized, strictly for fun) I freely admit I am richer than I’ve ever been because life is so good and I control all of my time now.
It’s great that you modeled healthy personal finance to your kids so well. My children aren’t old enough yet to grasp real numbers, so our conversations so far have been about relative wealth. I’ll have to think about how much detail I actually want to share in terms of real numbers when they get older. My parents have been open and honest with me in adulthood, and I have appreciated it and learned from it, so I will probably lean toward sharing more than sharing less. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Well hello fellow rich person! Glad I don’t have to be all by my lonesome here on the graph of incomes.
There’s a lot of negativity towards the rich (well the poor too) and it shouldn’t be that way. It’ll make it that much harder for people to be open and honest about money and for us to learn from one another. Great post!
I know it’s lonely at the top, so I thought you could use some company. Thanks for inspiring this post! I love your honesty and sense of humor. I’m looking forward to getting our matching gold necklaces!
I’m loving the new honesty that PF bloggers are throwing out there.
I make $34k a year. I’m not saving 50% of my income, I can’t achieve the crazy saving rates higher earners do, and that’s ok. It was exhausting to read finance blogs saying ANYONE can save 70% of their income. I’m a firm believer everyone can be better with their money, but not everyone can be “rich.”
Thanks for being so open.
Thanks for reading and commenting. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where PF bloggers are coming from and whether their advice is applicable to my situation, so I think honesty is important. I started off making $31K/year and didn’t reach high-earner status until after 10 years into my career. But the personal finance habits I developed early in my career laid the groundwork for my ability to save and give in large amounts now. Keep the faith!